Emotions: When reality sucker punches you

  It occurred to me today that I will be slim again. Not in an abstract “someday” way. Not in a “cycle the same 20 lbs” way. In a very real “by Dec 31st, 2015” way. In a “hitting 150’s in a few weeks” way.

Suddenly it’s like someone ripped apart my security blanket to reveal a stranger. I have been plugging along for months convinced that tomorrow I will wake up back at square one plus 10 lbs and today I faced the fact that isn’t going to happen. 

I should be elated, but I’m a little scared. I want to reshape my body. I want to get where I am going. I have fitness goals that my knee has issues with at my start weight. December 31st is still pretty far away so I have time to adapt. I am following a plan I tailored to myself. I have a great support team. I should be ready. 

But I wasn’t. It hadn’t really sunk in that I was actually losing weight and inches forever. I am saying goodbye to plus fashion forever. I’ll miss plus fashion. I sized out of the Lady Voluptuous dresses before I had a chance to buy one and I love Georgina’s beautiful dresses. It all blindsided me today. Staring in the mirror. Wearing a tank top I hadn’t noticed was getting loose. 

I made a choice to continue reshaping. To keep plodding along towards my goals. Making the occasional sprint. To see if Dec 31st, 2015 really is the day. Or if it’s October 31st, 2015. Or even February 14th, 2016. I said goodbye to the clothes I will miss and can’t style for my current form. Now I have embraced the clothes I haven’t met yet. I am dreaming of the future and working to make it my present. 

Never again will I underestimate the value of taking an honest look at yourself in the mirror. To understand the contents are still the same me I love, just in slightly smaller packaging, and with a bit more attitude. It’s a sweaty and emotional journey, but I’m ready for it. 

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